When I was young, I noticed how so very inquisitive I was, full of wonder and amazement at the “how’s” and “why’s” of life. Like many young minds who crave knowledge, I always asked questions of people years older than I, full of the expectation that they would know the answers to my questions. Unfortunately, I always ended up frustrated and brokenhearted. I became frustrated because I typically did not receive the most logical answers to my questions, and I felt brokenhearted because the people I expected could intelligently answer my questions were just as much bewildered as my own little confused mind. After much prodding, some people would attempt to answer my inquiries, but in most cases, their answers led me to more questions and left me even more puzzled. Out of frustration, I just cried and talked to myself and to the God that my innocent heart knew. But yet again, I received no answers.
At times, I found myself imagining and creating my own little worlds. When I saw small rock formations, or a small lagoon, or a pond with some plants and insects, I spent time observing them and their little ecosystems. Then, in my imagination, I created my own imaginary world, subconsciously mimicking the patterns of the bigger world I belonged to. At night, especially when the stars were bright, I gazed up at the sky searching for my God. “Where does he reside? Why does he not answer my pleas?”
As I grew, the world took on a different shape in my eyes. I no longer looked at insects but at the children as they gaily played and cried innocently. I no longer looked up at the stars, but to the lives of my elders to consider what they had become and how they had lived their lives. I still had my questions, but somehow I had already found some of my answers in nature itself and from my experiences in the great school known as “Life.”
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was very able but did not provide well for his family. He had some skills, and he was able to maximize this talent. However, he had different priorities. He felt more elated when people around him praised him. He earned more than average, but always squandered his earnings on vices and friends who just abused him in the end, leaving barely enough for the whole family to have a good and comfortable life. I grew up and earned my education the hard way. I had to work to earn my degree. I learned to depend upon my own system. I was trying to protect myself from the emotional abuse of the people around me. My mother always pitied herself and blamed other people for her miserable life. Reflecting on my parents’ lives, I become bitter as a teenager. Always insecure in life and afraid of life, I even stopped talking to my God. Some say life is beautiful, but I couldn’t see its beauty. Deeply confused, I even attempted to end my life; but through some divine intervention, I was not successful despite repeated attempts. Finally, I grew tired, for I did not want that kind of life. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life on earth in that state. Thus, I bravely ventured into selfhealing. Always looking for ways to improve my life, I went to various religious organizations and even joined a congregation of what is known as “born again Christians.” I was back talking to my God. But sometimes, I felt empty inside again. I just continued my search phase by phase. I eventually came to realize that there is so much in life and in the universe itself that one should learn about.
I learned about reincarnation, karma, etc., but couldn’t quite understand their true meaning and thus couldn’t effectively assimilate these principles into my own life. But another lesson I learned is: patience. That things happen for a reason and that there is a correct time for everything. Being young, one is proud and always agitated. Now, I learned to mellow out and try to fully understand the lessons that life was giving me one by one.
During my search, I enrolled in a course, “Developing Your Extrasensory Perception.” In this course, I met a person who was himself also searching for answers to his own set of questions. As it is very rare to find persons of a similar mindset, I pre-served my kinship with him. Amazingly, there seemed to be a connection between us. As I continued living and experiencing life, I felt a need to relocate back to my family. I learned that, in order for me to progress in my development, I needed to experience and learn the lessons of, and reasons behind, every experience, especially when they concerned the persons significant in my existence on earth. This involves associating with a variety of people and personalities. I realized that the fact that I was born to the family that I had, no matter how I disliked the way our family functioned, meant that I needed to learn my life’s lessons with them and from them. But life back in my family was still lonely, since they couldn’t understand me. Luckily, Ansan Lee, the one I met at the ESP course, kept on corresponding with me. We normally shared with each other our spiritual growth and discussed and evaluated each of our lives’ experiences. Since I needed to further my study of life, I joined the Rosicrucian group in our area. The group taught the old esoteric principles of life and the universe. Slowly, I learned to understand life from a wider perspective. Yet, I knew that I still needed to know more since I had not yet truly fathomed the very essence of life, and I kept myself open to all types of learning. Ansan, a loyal friend, shared the Taeeulju Mantra with me. Trusting him, I listened to the mantra and, in amazement, felt its strong energy.
One of the many things that puzzled me were my personal “psychic” experiences for which no one seemed to be able to provide a clear explanation. This led me to study ESP. I do not claim to have seen spirits or ghosts, but I can sense energies. Through my practices based upon the Rosicrucian teachings, my ESP seemed to have further developed. I learned to trust my inner self. My experience with the Taeeulju Mantra was very overwhelming. I do not know the meanings of the mantra’s words, for its language is foreign to me, yet I could not deny the fact that it gave me peace inside and even more. It’s something that my troubled mind again couldn’t explain. Being a member of the Rosicrucian group, I had my regular meditation regimen, since itis also required of a member. Because of my positive experience with the Taeeulju Mantra, I tried to secure a copy of recorded voice meditation, but was not successful. So, I just listened through the internet whenever I had the chance. Fortunately, Ansan sent me a compact disk with the mantra recordings. Since then, I have been able to use the mantra regularly and incorporate it into my own meditation routine. My Rosicrucian friends noticed that something had changed in me; what that ‘something’ was, they couldn’t explain, and neither could I. At first, I did not want to tell my friends about the Taeeulju Mantra because they might not understand, especially since I did not know its meaning. But since they were really wondering and kept on asking, I told them that I was using a mantra from a Korean spiritual organization. Then, they just stopped asking.
As I continued chanting the Taeeulju Mantra, there were many aspects of my life that improved with the help of the mantra. First, I had a lump in my breast that I had noticed since I was in my early twenties. My mother’s family has a history of breast cancer. I became alarmed when my cousin underwent an operation to remove her own cyst. Out of fear, I did not subject myself to any medical examination. In accordance with the beliefs of the Silva Mind method, I practiced positive thinking that the lump would not develop to a cancerous cell or that it would just simply disappear. Unfortunately, as years passed, I started feeling some pains where the lump was. Again, I denied the experience. More years passed and the pains became more evident and frequent. I shared this with Ansan, trusting that he would help me meditate to improve my condition. True enough, the pains disappeared after a single day of sharing it with him. I have a high pain threshold, thus the alarming discomfort from the pains I was feeling gave me a signal that my condition was worsening. But one day it just simply disappeared, just as simple as that. Amazing! Although the lump still existed, I couldn’t find any other reasons why my condition improved, so I asked confirmation from Ansan, and indeed he had prayed on my behalf. Yet, even before that experience, I routinely asked Ansan’s help to meditate with me, especially at times when any of the members of my family became sick or were hospitalized. And thankfully, they always got well in just a matter of days. It’s not that those experiences made my belief in the mantra stronger, it only materialized the potency of the mantra in my life. The first time I listened to the mantra, I knew instantly that its source is a supreme divinity, but I did not know the exact Being behind it. From these personal experiences, I gained concrete examples of the goodness and greatness of the mantra that I could share with my friends. I furthered my study of Jeung San Do, but with a limitation: I could only study through the internet, since I was living in Cebu. Faced by that limitation, I became confused about Jeung San Do’s principles, and I had no one to ask for clarifications to my questions. My communications with Ansan were also not enough to help me fully understand the teachings. Yet, I still continued chanting the mantra.
When I got the chance to visit the Manila Dojang, I was able to join the group meditation. The experience was very overwhelming. Then, Mr. David Shim and Ansan prayed over me and chanted the mantra. What struck me at that moment was that I clearly heard a female voice chanting along with the gentlemen, but no female member was physically present. I was told that it must be my ancestors. Again, amazing!
In my Rosicrucian studies, I tried to find similar principles and I noted a lot of parallel teachings. However, only here at Jeung San Do did I encounter the concrete existence of He whom I previously only called God the Father. At first, I couldn’t fully accept Jeung- san Sangjenim being the Supreme God, but my continued studies of the Dojeon made me understand that He is the Supreme Being. Before, I wondered why not many knew Him in this world. If He is that Supreme Being, His energy should be felt by other adepts still living physically on earth as well. And my friends who are into deeper spiritual studies didn’t seem to know that He had incarnated here on earth. I became confused. But the Dojeon allowed me to understand the exact reason why Sangjenim made His presence unfelt by humanity in general?because of Cheonjigongsa (the work of renewing heaven and earth), which He needed to perform at a designated period of time with little or no interruption. And I, too, understood that now is the time for Sangjenim’s great work of renewing heaven and earth to be known by as many people as possible in preparation for the approaching gaebyeok? thus my decision to finally join Jeung San Do.
I do not say I believe that Sangjenim, the Jade Emperor of Heaven, exists?I know that He truly exists. So there is no more reason for me to just believe; instead, I should follow His teachings.